A Poised Girl’s Guide to Grief

Many people (myself included) use poised and composed as interchangeable. Composed women don’t cry unless at a moving art performance. The key to composure is to keep your emotions in check until you are behind closed doors and can express yourself appropriately.

Then I grew up and realised it doesn’t always work like that. Being poised is about being the best version of yourself because that’s what you (and those around you) deserve. Composure does come into play, certainly. A poised person does her best to never lose her temper. She doesn’t use profanity in public. She’s patient and kind. In these ways, she stays composed. But she is still true. Still honest. Still a person with depth. Poised doesn’t have to mean shallow.

Two years ago I lost my mother and the loss touches every part of my life. Most days, I’m totally fine. Other days, I can barely breathe from missing her. I spent a lot of the first year doing my best to not let any emotion other than happiness out to the public. The poised woman is composed and only sad when she’s alone.

Then I remember that a poised woman is anything but shallow. She’s multi-faceted like the diamond she is. So I learned to let myself be true. I may not walk around looking like Eeyore all the time, but when a memory strikes or the grief overwhelms, I let myself feel the feelings. Even if it means crying a little at my desk or in the grocery store.

Let’s remember as we continue on this journey together that poised girls are anything but shallow and one dimensional. Don’t be afraid to cry once in a while.





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